


Surprises and Secrets

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: F/M, Friendship, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-06-05
Updated: 2004-06-05
Packaged: 2019-05-30 11:35:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15095888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: Leo finds out about CJ and Toby's relationship when they're forced to go public when a reporter gets a picture of them kissing in public. But the most shocking news is revealed on the night of Toby's surprise party...





	Surprises and Secrets

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

> **Surprises and Secrets**
> 
> **by:** LauraH2215
> 
> **Character(s):** Toby, CJ, Josh, Leo, Donna  
>  **Pairing(s):** CJ/Toby  
>  **Category(s):** Romance, Friendship  
>  **Rating:** TEEN  
>  **Summary:** Part 4 of 4 in my 4 part series that started with Some Kind of Crisis and Birthday, followed by One Memorable Day and Forget Me Not. This is the follow-up to Forget Me Not�Leo finds out about CJ and Toby's relationship when they're forced to go public when a reporter gets a picture of them kissing in public. But the most shocking news is revealed on the night of Toby's surprise party�  
>  **Author's Note:** This series is titled "These Changes". Part 1 was "Some Kind of Crisis and Birthday", Part 2 was " One Memorable Day, Part 3 was "Forget Me Not" and this is Part 4. Feel free to continue with the series if you wish. I am through with it.
> 
>  
> 
> They're oblivious to the flash of the camera merely feet away from them as they step out of the restaurant, happily intoxicated and enjoying each other's company.
> 
> The last three days at the Whitehouse had been hectic since everyone had returned Tuesday evening. Toby and CJ had skipped out of work early and were having their first real date, although it was going a little differently than they had planned. Toby had wanted it be elegant and innocent, but it was turning into anything but. After only a few drinks, they were both ready to jump into bed and make love.
> 
> "I'm sorry we have to take a cab." Toby says, ushering CJ into a cab waiting for them outside the restaurant.
> 
> CJ laughs as she rolls into the seat and makes room for Toby. "Well, you know what they say: If you drive and drink�You stink!"
> 
> Toby laughs lightly. " That's a good one. God, you're beautiful." He leans in and begins to passionately kiss CJ as the car pulls away.
> 
> After a moment of fervent kissing, CJ slowly breaks off, placing her hand on Toby's now wrinkled suit jacket. "I, I thought we were going to wait until we got home to do this."
> 
> Toby breathes heavily. " I know, I know. We are. I'm sorry, I couldn't help myself." He hated it when it happened this way. Whenever he was drunk and got laid. It wasn't that way with CJ, it just wasn't. It was love-making with her, but he had a feeling it would be something different tonight. He hated that. He didn't want to wake up and not remember. He had to find a way to sober up and fast. 
> 
> * * *
> 
> Toby couldn't quite place where the ringing was coming from. Was it an outside noise, or was it inside his head, like he imagined? Before he had time to think about it early that next morning, CJ crawls over him and picks up the phone off his nightstand. He begins to painfully bring himself into consciousness as CJ answers the phone
> 
> "Hello?"
> 
> Toby opens his eyes and smiles when he notices CJ isn't wearing anything. He reaches up to caress her back as she leans over him while talking on the phone. He could care less about who was on the other line. The pounding in his head was preventing him from conscious thought.
> 
> CJ nods, trying to push Toby away. "Okay, yeah. We'll be down right away. Okay, yes. For God's� Yes. Fine�. Bye." She slams the receiver down, then sighs as she falls back to her side of the bed.
> 
> "What's the matter?" Toby asks, turning on his side to face her and trail his fingers down her side.
> 
> CJ sighs. " We're in some kind of trouble. That was Leo. He was pissed. He said for us to meet him in his office long before staff and to not even stop for a shower."
> 
> Toby lies flat on his back. "Well, knowing me in this condition, I'm going to need a very long shower if I'm going to go anywhere near the office today." He groans, rubbing his eyes.
> 
> CJ turns on her side to look at Toby. She almost smiles. " Ha, you're hung over. I'm sorry, but we've got to get going. I don't know what it is, but Leo's mad, Toby."
> 
> "I smell." Toby says matter-of-factly.
> 
> CJ laughs lightly. " Yes you do, and not very good. You stink of Scotch and I can't believe I'm waking up to you like this. But, you don't have time to shower so go throw some clothes and cologne on and hope for the best."
> 
> Toby opens his eyes. " You can't believe you're waking me up to me like this? Oh, God, CJ. I knew I shouldn't have drank so much. Last night� did I� was it�? Oh, God. I'm sorry. I don't want you to have to wake up to me like this, either."
> 
> He seemed so concerned that CJ had to offer him a reassuring smile. " Toby, don't worry about it. You were just having a good time. Last night was great. And if you think you're bad, I've woken up to a lot worse. I mean, as long as you don't make a habit of it, I can certainly live with it."
> 
> Toby looked pained. " Oh, baby, I am sorry. You shouldn't have to live with it. It won't happen again. I, I was so stupid."
> 
> CJ rolls her eyes. " Don't worry about, honestly. I'm fine. Look, we've got to go see what Leo wants, so let's get a move on it."
> 
> He still felt guilty. He really wasn't going to do it again, because she wasn't just any other woman. He loved her and he respected her. But right now they had to go save their asses. 
> 
> * * *
> 
> "Let me get right to the point. Can either of you explain this?" Leo asks, throwing a newspaper down on top of his desk and glaring as Toby and CJ walked into his office later that morning.
> 
> They both walk forward and peer to read the front page of a local newspaper. The caption says, " Liberal Tongues Will Wag: The Way The Bartlet Administration "Communicates" After Hours" and there is a very clear photograph of them kissing as they walk out of the restaurant they ate at last night. CJ picks up the paper to read it further.
> 
> "Well?" Leo looks at them expectantly.
> 
> Toby rubs his temple, still feeling slight throbbing there. The morning-relief aide hadn't kicked in yet. "This, this isn't good."
> 
> CJ scans the page of the newspaper fervently. " This is crap." She states after a minute. " This has got to be the least reputable news source in the state. The local high school news letter reaches more people than this does. They're notoriously known for hiring high school dropouts. How did you even get a copy of this, Leo?"
> 
> Leo shrugs, sitting down in his chair. " Margaret gave it to me to read. Now, what are we going to do about this? How did this happen?"
> 
> Josh opens the door to the office and walks in with a goofy grin plastered on his face. " I heard you two made the local newspaper."
> 
> "Shut up, Josh." Toby says irritably.
> 
> Josh shoves his hands into his pockets. " Leo, tell Toby not to speak to his boss that way."
> 
> "Shut up, Josh." Leo says with a half-smile.
> 
> "You think it's gonna cause problems?" Josh turns to CJ
> 
> CJ shrugs. " Not large ones. I doubt if anyone in that press room reads this. But, I suppose it wouldn't hurt to come up with a good statement."
> 
> "Well I'd like to know how this happened. How did they get this shot?" Leo asks.
> 
> "Well, we were kissing and they spotted us and quickly snapped the photo." Toby says dryly, wanting desperately to get out of this situation and go home.
> 
> Leo glances from Toby to CJ, wondering what had went on last night. CJ looked tired and annoyed, and Toby looked hung over and pissed. " Why the hell were you two kissing?" He wonders in disbelief.
> 
> "Because, Leo, that's what you do when you're dating." CJ says in slight exasperation, feeling that this was too much for a Saturday morning at 7 am.
> 
> "You two are dating?" Leo is growing more shocked by the second.
> 
> "Yes, we are, Leo. We haven't been for long, and we didn't want to make a big to-do out of it, so we wanted to wait to tell you." CJ explains.
> 
> "Who else knows?" Leo asks emotionlessly.
> 
> "What?" Toby inquires softly.
> 
> Leo slams his hands down on his desk in frustration. " Who else knows?"
> 
> "Josh knows." CJ mumbles, barely audibly.
> 
> Josh laughs out loud. " Yeah, that's only because I walked in on the two of you sl�" He glances around at the group of people staring at him. " You know what? I, I think I'm going to wait outside until we start Staff. Okay�" Josh makes his way out of the office.
> 
> Leo takes in a deep breath, trying to take this all in and gauge how much this is going to kill the administration. " What, what do you guys think you're doing? Is, is this fun for you, because it's going to be political suicide for the President, and he doesn't need it."
> 
> CJ takes in a gulp of air. " The President is aware of Toby's and I's relationship, and publicly approves."
> 
> Leo takes in another forced breath, very obviously upset. " When I said who else knows�." He grits his teeth.
> 
> "Leo�" Toby tries to protest.
> 
> "When I said who else knows�." Leo repeats.
> 
> " Well, Josh knows, as do my brothers and niece, Donna, and Mrs. Bartlet."
> 
> Leo comes from behind his desk to the front of it and leans against it. He rubs his temple. " I wish you had of told me sooner. I wish you hadn't of done this, but you could have at least told me sooner."
> 
> "Leo, we're completely serious about this. We're not having an affair or anything." Toby says, almost offended by how Leo was reacting.
> 
> "Well you better be damn-well be serious about this, because it's going to cause some problems. CJ, you're going to have to fix this."
> 
> CJ nods. "I'll, I'll explain the news article at the briefing, and test the water in regards to what the Press would think of us dating."
> 
> Leo shakes his head. " You shouldn't have to do this."
> 
> "Don't worry about it, Leo. It won't affect the President, I promise." CJ shifts her weight.
> 
> Leo takes a step forward. " It already has, because you're using time that's supposed to be spent discussing his agenda and policy to talk about your personal relationships."
> 
> CJ curls her lips and unconsciously glares at Leo, practically reddening. " Fine! Then I'll just let it be and hope it doesn't destroy this administration. If rumours start flying, don't expect me to be there in the Press Briefing Room defending us. No, no, because that time could be better spent discussing policy initiative. You can deal with it for all I care, Leo. I've got work to do." She turns on her heels and rushes out of the room.
> 
> Toby starts to get mad, too. " She's using the President's time to talk about her personal relationships?" Toby huffs at Leo. " You deserved that. Try walking in her shoes one day." Toby turns around and walks out the door, as well.
> 
> Leo sighs. " I'd probably trip in heels like those." 
> 
> * * *
> 
> Toby tried to follow CJ, but couldn't find her. He went to her office and interrupted Carol's typing.
> 
> "Hey, what can I do for you, Toby?" Carol asks, turning toward Toby.
> 
> Toby rubs his temple. "Have you seen CJ?"
> 
> "I think she went to the bathroom." Carol replies with a smile. " You can wait in her office, or I'll let her know you were looking for her, if you want."
> 
> Toby exhales. " No, it's alright, I'm gonna, I'm gonna� gonna� go." He spins and heads toward the nearest Ladies' Room. He knew she was sick to her stomach again. Lately she had been sick a lot. She had promised him it was just from all the emotions, that she wasn't really sick, and he had believed her. But now he was starting to doubt that reason.
> 
> Toby waits patiently outside in the corridor in front of the door to the Women's washroom.
> 
> "Hey, are you okay?" Toby asks as soon as CJ emerges from the washroom. "Is it your stomach again?"
> 
> CJ nods, looking a little pale.
> 
> Toby reaches out to take her arm. " You said you were going to call your doctor as soon as you got back to D.C if it didn't go away."
> 
> "I know. It's just unusual for me to feel like this all the time. Anyway, we'll talk about this later. I've got to plan what I'm going to say."
> 
> "You need any help? I could come up there with you if you want." Toby offers, leading CJ back to her office.
> 
> CJ shakes her head. "No, please, that'll make it worse. I'll be fine. Don't worry. Just, get back to work. We'll talk later, okay?"
> 
> Toby nods and stops in the hallway. "I guess if we're going public it's safe to kiss now."
> 
> CJ smiles warmly. "Just be patient, Toby. It won't be long before we can do that, but not just yet. I got to go, but I'll see you soon. Bye. Love you." CJ turns on her heels and heads to her office.
> 
> "Love you, too." Toby whispers back, wishing there was more he could do for her. 
> 
> * * *
> 
> Part 2
> 
> The public was starting to warm up to the idea of Bartlet's Press Secretary and Communications Director having a romantic relationship. In the last week since Toby and CJ had went public, they had given an interview and ,much to Toby's dismay, a photo op. There had been few conflicts, and the President had even been seen publicly supporting them. It seemed things were going alright�for the time being.
> 
> "Feeling any better?" Toby asks, wrapping his arms around CJ as she climbs back into bed early in the morning on the next Friday, which happened to be the day of Toby's surprise party.
> 
> CJ nods, slipping into Toby's embrace. She had been sick again today like she had every day for the last couple of weeks. It was becoming an irritable habit. She looks a little sad and troubled as she brings herself to eye level with Toby. " I think I've finally discovered why I've been feeling like this. So, so tired and moody and irritable and� different."
> 
> "Why?" Toby smoothes her hair back behind her ears, interested in her new theory.
> 
> CJ takes in a deep breath and lowers her head to Toby's chest. " I think I'm starting to go through menopause, Toby."
> 
> Toby smiles, disbelieving. " No you're not. You're way too young."
> 
> "I'm really not, Toby. Lots of women become pre-menopausal at my age. That would certainly explain the hormone changes." She looks at Toby to see if he understands. " But the only problem is this is going to mean some changes for me and we're just starting into this new relationship and I don't want this to affect my� drive or anything, if you know what I mean."
> 
> Toby smiles again. " Honey, I think you're worrying about this too far in advance. But, if it concerns you, I'd definitely advise you to get it checked it out."
> 
> CJ nods, curling back into him. " I think I will, just to be sure. That's got to be what it is. I just can't believe I didn't see it sooner." She looks back up at Toby. " This couldn't have started at a worse time. I don't want to be changing right when things are starting to get�"
> 
> Toby interrupts her, placing his forefinger against CJ's lips. "Please don't worry about that. You know that you'll always be the same person, and I'll always love you. No matter what happens, I'll still be here for you."
> 
> CJ smiles convincingly, a little relieved. She believed Toby. He was right. If anyone could put up with her incessant mood changes and growing discomforts, it was Toby. 
> 
> * * *
> 
> Carol jumps out of her seat when CJ approaches her that morning when she enters the outer office.
> 
> "Hey, Carol. Any messages?" CJ looks at a folder she was carrying and stops at Carol's desk.
> 
> Carol hand CJ a few pieces of paper and smiles. " As always. Jack Sasa wanted to see you before your staff meeting this morning. And another magazine sent an e-mail asking for an interview with you and Toby." She follows CJ into her office.
> 
> CJ rolls her eyes. " Thanks. Tell Jack yes and the magazine, no. Oh, Carol," CJ slumps into her desk. " can you book me an appointment with my doctor?" She goes to pick up the phone to return a message.
> 
> Carol rests in the door frame. " Which one?"
> 
> "I have more than one doctor?" CJ asks ,setting the phone back down.
> 
> Carol folds her arms over her chest and smiles. " Yes, you have several."
> 
> CJ looks a little confused. " Okay, well, get me one of them." CJ says dismissingly.
> 
> "Okay, well tell me what's wrong and I'll be able to call the right one."
> 
> CJ rests her head in her hand, obviously not having thought it would be this much work. " I uh, I, think I'm starting to go through menopause and was looking to talk to my doctor about it."
> 
> Carol laughs out loud, but she tries to stifle it.
> 
> CJ gives her a harsh glare. "Do you find that amusing?"
> 
> Carol controls her laughter. "No, no, but I think you're being ridiculous. You're way too young, CJ."
> 
> "Oh, for crying out loud! Why does everybody have a sterotype of this sixty-year old grandmother in their head when they hear the word `menopause'? I'm completely serious about this, Carol, and I'd appreciate a touch of sensitivity. Now, will you please book me an appointment with my neurologist or orthopaedist or whoever looks after this kind of thing."
> 
> Carol smiles. " I'm pretty sure you're typical physician will do, but I'll put in a call to your orthopaedist just in case." She rolls her eyes and goes back to her desk. 
> 
> * * *
> 
> "When Josh gets back from the OEB make sure he keeps Toby busy and out of the room we're using." CJ was standing just outside Donna's office early that morning. She had just come back from Senior staff and wanted to be sure that Josh knew the rules for the day since he had missed the meeting.
> 
> Donna nods, typing something on her computer. " What's Toby supposed to be up to today? I mean, do you think we can pull it all off without him noticing?"
> 
> CJ shrugs. " It's been working so far. He's pretty busy this morning with paper stuff, so he'll be in his office. He's leaving around 4.30 for a meeting with Senator Wilson. We don't think he'll be back until 6.30 or 7.00, so by then we'll have everything set up and ready. I'm going to try to keep in his office as much as possible, but I'm going to have to help direct all the delivery people. So, Josh has to keep an eye on Toby, okay?"
> 
> "Why wouldn't you just get Rena or someone in the Bullpen to watch him?" Donna asks.
> 
> CJ pauses to consider this point. " Okay, good point. I'll go take care of that. Thanks." CJ gives her head a shake and heads off to the Communications Bullpen. 
> 
> * * *
> 
> When CJ finally returns to her office later that morning, Carol is waiting for her inside.
> 
> "Okay, you've got your briefing in ten. Have everything you need?"
> 
> CJ nods, moving behind her desk. " I think so."
> 
> "Next thing. I called your doctors office and they couldn't schedule an appointment for you until mid next month. But, fortunately I told them what was going on and they pointed out that your gynaecologist was in the same clinic. So, they transferred me to her office and I was able to set up an appointment with her because she said she'd run all the typical tests on you no problem. So, I know you're going to hate me for doing this, but you have an appointment with her at 3.30 today. Please don't hurt me."
> 
> CJ looks more overwhelmed than upset. "Okay, Carol, you realize that I like never see my gynaecologist, and that kinda bothers them? I haven't been to see her in years. And you realize I hate last minute appointments, right?"
> 
> Carol nods obediently. " Yes, I know. But it was the best I could do. Your physician was out of town and your orthopaedist broke his foot. And you don't want to know what happened to your dentist. "
> 
> CJ looks at Carol in exasperation. She sighs. " Your attempt at humour isn't really welcomed right now. Okay, look, fine. I appreciate the effort. My gynaecologist is going to test me for menopause?" She stands up and makes her way to the door.
> 
> "Yep, she said she wouldn't mind at all. And I am sorry. You better get going. Oh, by the way, did you find anyone to keep track of Toby today?"
> 
> CJ nods. " Yeah. It's taken care of. Everything will work out. Are the President and Leo in the Roosevelt room trying to seal the deal on the Israel effort?"
> 
> Carol steps out of the office. " Yes, they're making good progress, so you can probably use that in your briefing."
> 
> "Okay, thanks, Carol." CJ rushes out of her office yet again, fighting another surge of nausea. Thank God she was seeing a doctor today. 
> 
> * * *
> 
> The rest of the morning and afternoon went smoothly. Toby had been kept well away from the room they were to be having his party in. Albeit, he was starting to get suspicious of his co-workers especially when no one seemed to want to do anything that night. Usually they'd organize a poker game or have some kind of event to go to, but everyone seemed to have the same excuse: They were too tired to do anything. Even CJ said she wanted to go home as soon as he got back from his meeting. But, even though he had his suspicions, Toby didn't really think too much into it.
> 
> So, at 3 pm CJ gathered her purse and headed to her car, feeling a little nervous. She didn't know why, it was just something about going to the doctor and talking about life changes. There had been one thing plaguing her mind since the prospect of menopause crossed her mind; She couldn't have a child. Not that she was considering having a child now, not at her age and with her lifestyle. But, lately being around Huck and Molly had made her think about all the reasons she had never had kids. Being around Toby made her think about having a family, and it seemed like in some small, strange way they were building their own little family. But now she knew it could never grow even if they wanted it to. Sure they'd have Huck and Molly to babysit for, but they were always Andy's kids.
> 
> CJ and Toby hadn't talked about having children, so she shouldn't even be thinking about it, so she thought. But there was still this deep feminine, maternal part of her that wanted to pass on her genes, and wanted to give Toby a child. She had to shake her head as she climbed into her car. This is ridiculous, she thinks to herself. I don't want children. I haven't thought about having children in ages, so I shouldn't be so upset about this. Damn these hormones.
> 
> But a part of her felt empty and alone knowing she'd never get the joy of experiencing holding her baby for the first time. Never getting to talk about all the stresses of motherhood to other mothers or watch a child grow up in her home and be able to take pride in them. Never get to watch the doting look in her husband's eyes as they held hands and watched their baby drift off to sleep. Sure she had Hogan who was like a daughter to her, but it wasn't the same.
> 
> Bur before long she arrived at the doctors office and didn't have time to worry about all the petty stuff anymore. It was time to suck it up and take it. Changes were changes no matter what they were, and you had to roll with them.
> 
> Part 3
> 
> CJ's doctor was already sitting down at her desk when CJ stepped into the examining room. She shyly knocks on the door.
> 
> A younger, serious-looking dark-haired woman looks up and waves CJ in. "Hello, CJ. Good to see you. It's been a while." She begins to leaf through what presumably was CJ's file.
> 
> CJ steps in and takes a seat in a cushioned chair in front of the desk. "Yes, it has, Dr. Warner. How are the kids?" She asks, to lighten the mood. She was starting to feel like her doctor was mad at her for having gone so long without an appointment.
> 
> Dr. Warner looks up. "They're great. How's work?"
> 
> CJ smiles with a little eye roll. " As good as can be expected, I guess. Don't you watch the news?"
> 
> Dr. Warner almost smiles. " If you consider `Entertainment Tonight' to be news. Anyway, I know you're busy, so we might as well skip right on to the questions. I'm just going to run through a couple of standard questions that we like to ask here in the Gynaecology wing. Everything is confidential and we would like you to be as honest as possible, but feel free to tell me if something's over the line or doesn't apply. Alright?"
> 
> "Yes, on with the questions." CJ shifts her purse in her lap, wishing they could just run the damn blood tests or do whatever they needed to do and get out of here.
> 
> Retrieving a pen, Dr. Warner settles into her seat. "Okay. Are you sexually active?"
> 
> CJ pauses for a moment, staring at her doctor. " I beg your pardon?"
> 
> "It's not a complicated question, CJ."
> 
> CJ nods her head. "Um�Okay...Yeah, yeah, I am."
> 
> The doctor writes something in her file and returns to looking at CJ. "How often?"
> 
> "Excuse me?"
> 
> "How often are you sexually active? Every couple of months, once a month, every couple of weeks, once a week?" Dr. Warner shrugs to indicate that it didn't matter.
> 
> CJ was finding this ridiculous. She had came here to be tested, not grilled on her sex life. "I dunno. It varies depending on whether or not I'm in a relationship, I guess."
> 
> "Okay, currently?"
> 
> "Currently? Maybe� once every two weeks." CJ guesses. She supposed the last time she and Toby had had sex was last weekend.
> 
> Dr. Warner makes another note and returns to the questions. " Do you have sex with one or multiple partners?" At CJ's appalled look, Dr. Warner laughs softly. "Okay, let me rephrase that. Do you have one or multiple partners?"
> 
> CJ smiles and rolls her eyes. "Just one. Look, I don't want to be rude, but I came here under the impression that I was going to get some answers as to whether or not I'm pre-menopausal. "
> 
> "And we'll get to that. Look, CJ, it's been two years since you've came to see me. We may not specialize in what you consider to be your most vital body part, but that doesn't mean that it isn't important for a woman your age to have regular check-ups."
> 
> CJ takes in a deep breath. "Dr. Warner, you have to understand that it's extremely difficult for me to make the time to�"
> 
> The doctor cuts her off. "Your assistant called this morning at 7.30 and we were able to get you in here at 3.30. You can't possibly say we aren't accommodating." She smiles. "I figured you could have a check-up while you were here to be tested. You know, kill two birds with one stone. But, if you're anxious to get back to work, we can skip right to the reason you're here."
> 
> CJ nods and looks down at the floor, feeling slightly guilty for some reason. "It's just, I've been planning a surprise birthday party for my boyfriend for about four weeks now and I have to get back to the office to help set up. I don't mean to rush this."
> 
> "Well, that'll be nice�So, why are you here?" Dr. Warner leans back in her chair and rests one hand behind her hand on her tightly woven ponytail.
> 
> CJ takes a moment to answer. " I haven't been feeling like myself lately. I've been moody and irritable and constantly sick to my stomach. I feel like I'm starting to go through some changes. I'm tiring easier. I get emotional over everything. Everything leads to the same answer."
> 
> "And how do you feel about that? Are you ready for it?" Dr. Warner has a slow, even, almost comforting tone that suggests she would probably make a good therapist.
> 
> CJ brings her hand up to rest on her forehead. She sighs lightly. " I thought I was. And then I started to think ab.."
> 
> Dr. Warner's eyebrows raise softly. " What?"
> 
> "Nothing." CJ laughs and dismisses it.
> 
> "What did you start to think about, CJ?" Dr. Warner asks in her even tone.
> 
> "You know, I'm pretty sure this has nothing to do with why we're here."
> 
> "CJ�"
> 
> "Okay, it was just something� I, I didn't have kids. It was something about not being able to have children anymore. That was all." CJ says quickly and defensively.
> 
> Dr. Warner seems satisfied. " Okay. Well, we can run some tests to be sure, and I can get you some literature to read up on so you know a little more of what to expect when going into menopause. I'll send whatever results I get back to your doctor and you can go from there, okay?"
> 
> CJ nods and stands up. " Okay. Sounds good. Let's get started." 
> 
> * * *
> 
> Part 4
> 
> When CJ returned to the Whitehouse, the West Wing was buzzing with excitement. Caterers and delivery people arrived by the dozen to set everything up. There was to be over a hundred people attending the party. It wasn't exactly black tie, but it was certainly going to be quite the affair.
> 
> CJ spent the first little while after Toby left barking out orders to anyone who asked where something should be set up. When she was confident that things were well underway, she went back to her office to change out of her suit and into something more appropriate for the dinner.
> 
> Carol greeted her at her office door. "You better hurry. The meeting went well and they estimate Toby will be here in a half an hour." She hands CJ a strapless evening gown to put on.
> 
> "Thanks." CJ replies unenthusiastically. She hadn't been feeling well since she left the doctor's office, and having to deal with getting ready for the party wasn't helping her mood any. She just wanted to go home and crash. But this was the party that she had personally planned for the man she loved and she wanted to be energized and excited about it.
> 
> "It's miraculous that you pulled this all off given the circumstances and timeframe and everything." Carol states.
> 
> CJ nods, tossing the dress onto her couch. "Yeah, and it wasn't easy to keep it a secret, either. And it wasn't easy to get everyone else to keep it a secret. But, it's going to be great. Okay, get out of here. I gotta change."
> 
> Carol smiles and exits the room, closing the door behind her.
> 
> CJ is about to pick up the dress and start to get undressed when Carol raps lightly on the door. CJ calls for her to come in.
> 
> Carol opens the door a notch. " Dr. Warner's office on the phone for you."
> 
> CJ looks at Carol blankly. " Really? That's odd. Dr. Warner said they'd try to get the results back to me as soon as possible, but I don't think they can do it in like three hours."
> 
> Carol shrugs. " Line 1." She closes the door.
> 
> CJ walks around her desk and picks up the phone. " Hello." She relaxes into her chair, trying not to get too anxious. They probably didn't have the results already.
> 
> "Hello, CJ. How are you? I've got the results from a couple of the tests we took." Dr. Warner's voice fills the other line.
> 
> CJ freezes. " That's incredible. How did you do it so fast?"
> 
> Dr. Warner can be heard laughing. "Occasionally we can speed up the process for our special patients. So, are you sitting down?"
> 
> CJ looks down at herself. " Is it that bad?" She can't understand what could go wrong. Sure menopause sucks, but it is a phase all women have to go through and she was no exception. " I mean, did you find something else?"
> 
> "Well, not something that won't go away in eight or so months." The doctor's voice was soft.
> 
> "I'm sorry, I don't think I understand." CJ takes in a deep breath and tries to take in what the doctor is saying.
> 
> There's a brief pause on the other line. " CJ, you're not going through menopause, not even close."
> 
> "Then what is wrong with me?"
> 
> Dr. Warner laughs lightly. " Nothing. You are a perfectly healthy woman. You're a little over-worked and under-nourished, but it's understandable, and we're going to fix that."
> 
> CJ sighs. "Then why have I been feeling this way?"
> 
> "Because your body is preparing to harbour a new baby."
> 
> Blood begins to rush to CJ's ears and she can barely hear or speak. Did she really just hear what she thought she heard? " Ex, excuse me?"
> 
> "You're pregnant, CJ. There's nothing wrong with you, you're just pregnant." The doctor speaks reassuringly.
> 
> It takes a moment for the shock to settle and CJ's lips to be able to move again. " Ju, ju, just pregnant? JUST PREGNANT? Oh, oh, please tell me this is a mistake. You must have the wrong person."
> 
> "No, you're the only Claudia Jean Cregg I know."
> 
> CJ tries to take in a deep breath and calm herself. " Dr. Warner, I am a 43 year-old unmarried Catholic Whitehouse Press Secretary, I don't think I'm allowed to be pregnant. This is a little more than an inconvenience."
> 
> "You're in a healthy, committed relationship, are you not?" Dr. Warner asks.
> 
> "Yes, but�"
> 
> "CJ, I know there are going to many obstacles for you to face that most women don't have to, but from the sounds of it, you've got a very supporting boyfriend who will probably be thrilled to hear the news. And really, if you've got that, you can get through this."
> 
> CJ leans back and closes her eyes, thinking that this was not the kind of life change she was expecting to go through. "Dr. Warner, are you sure this is what you think it is?"
> 
> The doctor doesn't hesitate to answer. "Yes, and I think I knew you were pregnant as soon as you walked in the door. The tests just confirmed my beliefs from a sound medical perspective."
> 
> "Doctor's intuition?" CJ guesses
> 
> "No, woman's intuition. Listen, there's no need for me to send the results to your physician, but I do want to see you and the father in here within the next couple of weeks so we can run some more comprehensive tests, give you some literature, set you up on a pre- natal plan and talk about proper diet and stress relief."
> 
> CJ sighs. Suddenly things were changing and very quickly. She'd have to cut down work hours and change her diet and do relaxation therapy. She'd have to go to the doctor's all the time and she'd get fat and have people tell her to sit down and "take a load off". She'd have to take maternity leave. That would kill her.
> 
> "CJ?" The doctor tried to get CJ back to the present.
> 
> "Yeah, uh, okay. Uh, thanks for calling. I'll have my assistant call you soon and set something up in the near future." CJ sits herself up straight in her chair.
> 
> "Okay. CJ, the sooner you tell the father, the better. And I would like to see him at your next appointment if at all possible. Keep that in mind, okay?"
> 
> CJ nods. "Yes, I know. Thanks. Have a good night."
> 
> "You, too. Enjoy your party. And congratulations."
> 
> CJ is so overwhelmed and over come with emotion that is hard for her not to cry. " Thank you. Bye." And she hangs up and lets the phone fall to the desk as she buries her now sobbing face into her hands.
> 
> Part 5
> 
> "Okay, Carol, we're done for the night. Why don't you finish up here and come down when you're ready?" CJ asks as she emerges from the office, now having composed herself and dawning the gown Carol had brought her from her old apartment.
> 
> Carol stops her typing and looks up at her boss and nods. "Sure. Everything okay?"
> 
> CJ nods. It had taken her a few minutes, but she was finally past the shock and ready to go and continue with the evening. She wasn't going to let this spoil her fun, or the fun she intended Toby to have. There were still inner conflicts that she was dying to resolve, but she decided to push them aside for tonight. It wasn't the time to be thinking about how this was going to completely change her life, or how Toby would react to the news when she would finally find the right way to tell him. She was sure he'd be supportive, and probably want to be around as much as possible. But this was taking their relationship to a new unspoken level that CJ was dreading having to even think about, let alone discuss with Toby. She knew she was being insecure, but after all, she had just found out she was pregnant.
> 
> "Yeah, everything's fine. I'm going to go to the party now. Don't work too hard, now." She winks at Carol before proceeding to head out.
> 
> "I won't. And CJ, I'm here if you anything. You know that, right?" Carol calls.
> 
> CJ whips around and offers Carol a grateful smile. " Yeah. Thanks, Carol." 
> 
> * * *
> 
> It hadn't been easy to get Toby to come to the room they were all set up in. He had wanted to go to CJ's office to pick her up and take her home. He was tired and irritable and didn't want to listen to Rena who insisted that he had to go find CJ in another part of the West Wing.
> 
> But nevertheless he followed her to wherever the hell she told him CJ was and he walked into the spectacular room he hadn't seen in a long time and was absolutely taken aback to see the dim lit room filled with people in fancy attire.
> 
> "Surprise!" Echoed through the room as the various guests yelled and raised their glasses at him. It took him a moment to register what was going on and another one to look toward the back of the room and spot a banner saying " Happy Birthday, Toby!"
> 
> Toby forgot to blink for several seconds as people started to swarm around him, hugging him, slapping him on the back or shaking his hand. Some one handed him a drink and it took several minutes before he could say anything, the whole time he was just smiling in complete shock. What was this?
> 
> He recognized all of his coworkers and some of his distant family and friends, even some people he would never had expected to come to his birthday party. But he still didn't know why this was happening. Suddenly he looks out his left eye and spots CJ sitting at a table with Donna. He smiles.
> 
> Toby turns to the man shaking his hand. "I'm sorry, Congressman. If you'll just excuse me�" Toby gracefully eases himself out of the crowded doorway and makes his way over to the tables.
> 
> He is stopped several times by smiling partiers who wish him a happy birthday, but he eventually makes it to the table. "Hi." Is all he can manage when he finally stops moving. CJ smiles warmly, thinking that Toby looked stunned and exhausted and nine kinds of confused. "Hey. Having a good time, yet? Like your party?"
> 
> Toby forces a smile. "Yeah, but I don't get it. My birthday's not until next week, and what's with the extravagance?"
> 
> Donna sets her drink down on the table. " CJ wanted to do something nice for you for your birthday."
> 
> Toby turns back to CJ.
> 
> CJ rolls her eyes and glares warningly at Donna. " That's not it. We all pitched in and helped. We wanted you to have a nice birthday party. Now, you should go walk around and greet everybody. God knows I don't know who half of these people are. We went through your address book and basically invited anyone in the Whitehouse who was available to come."
> 
> "Jee, don't I feel special." Toby states sarcastically.
> 
> CJ laughs lightly. " Go on. Go enjoy your party."
> 
> Toby practically pouts. " But I wanna stay here with you."
> 
> CJ rolls her eyes in a "you're so pathetic" kind of way. " There are a hundred people here, and some of them you probably haven't seen in years. You can see me later."
> 
> Toby shrugs to say he concedes. " Fine. But I'll be back. I expect you to rescue me if I end up in a long conversation with a distant aunt or someone I really don't like."
> 
> "Sure. I'll keep my eye out." CJ says sarcastically.
> 
> "Go, have fun!" Donna waves Toby off. 
> 
> * * *
> 
> The night was dragging on. Most of it CJ spent walking around with Toby, allowing him to introduce her to anyone she didn't already know. She felt it just plain courteous to stay with him considering she planned the party and it gave them an opportunity to be seen as a couple in public.
> 
> After about an hour of polite handshaking and dull conversation starters, CJ opted for searching out Leo, Josh and Donna, or even the President and Abbey-anyone she could just sit out with. She felt bad that she couldn't steal Toby away and let him sit down for a while, but he had too much visiting to do. He assured her he didn't mind her ditching him, and that he would be there to join her soon.
> 
> So, CJ wandered over to the table where she had seen Leo Josh and Donna sitting at earlier. Only Donna remained there, now.
> 
> "Hey, how's it goin'? Where are the guys?" CJ asks as she slips into a chair at Donna's table.
> 
> Donna smiles, a little bored as she plays with the glass in her hands. "Off to schmooze. How's Toby holding up?"
> 
> CJ shrugs. " He's alright. Already tired, though. But, I think he's going to try to make his way over to see Andy and the kids, which will be nice for him."
> 
> Donna tilts her head and appraises CJ who has slightly slumped in her chair. "You okay? You look a little off today."
> 
> CJ felt very much "off". She felt beyond nauseated, and was tiring more and more by the minute. Her bed was looking quite comfortable right now. The only question was, what would happen tonight when she got home and into bed and Toby wrapped his arms around her and she couldn't tell him exactly how her day was? It was sickening, plain sickening, and eating away at her. She watched people walk by and wondered how life went on when hers was such in turmoil. She bows her head. "Donna, can I tell you something?"
> 
> Donna watches CJ carefully, getting a sense that something was seriously wrong. CJ was usually very composed, and had been losing that composure tonight. "Of course. What is it?"
> 
> She was aching to tell someone. Maybe if she confided in Donna she wouldn't be so tempted to tell Toby and then she could formulate a good, direct plan of action and propose it to him when she was ready. She had to do this right so there wouldn't be any second guessing or regretting.
> 
> It takes her several moments of Donna looking at her expectantly before CJ can look her in the eyes and speak. "I found out today that I'm pregnant."
> 
> Donna's eyes dilate. "Oh, my God, CJ, are you serious? That's great. Congratulations!" Donna smiles and seems genuinely happy and excited.
> 
> CJ wonders how Donna can miss the problems with this. "Donna� I don't really know how I feel about this yet. I'm worried and I can't help but think about all the reasons this shouldn't be happening."
> 
> Donna turns more sympathetic. "CJ, you'll work everything out, don't worry. And I'm sure Toby will be thrilled."
> 
> "How do you know Toby's the father?" CJ challenges.
> 
> Donna leans back in her chair and rolls her eyes dramatically. "Oh, come on."
> 
> CJ suddenly remembers what it feels like to be back to reality and she has to sigh.
> 
> Donna extends her hand and lays it on top of CJ's. " I know this probably isn't what you thought you'd have to deal with today, but I just have this, this feeling that everything will work out for you guys."
> 
> CJ glances at Donna. " Donna, I'm 43 years-old, I'm not married, and I'm the Press Secretary to the President of the United States. I don't know how I'm going to do this."
> 
> Donna takes in a breath and nods confidently. "You're going to do it because you're CJ Cregg and you would make a fantastic mother regardless of your age or professional position. Because you juggle tougher issues than this every day of your life and they're not half as rewarding as holding a baby in your arms and getting to raise a beautiful child and say it's yours. Having a baby isn't an inconvenience, CJ, it's like the best blessing anyone can ever get, and I dunno, I think you deserve it and I think it deserves you."
> 
> CJ is temporarily moved by Donna's spontaneous little vote of confidence in her. It must be the emotions, she tells herself. "Thank you, Donna. I think that was just what I needed to hear right now. Maybe, maybe I can do this. Maybe somehow it will work out. It'll be hard work, and it isn't how I anticipated spending the next twenty years, but I guess it sure beats what I did have planned."
> 
> Donna smiles. "See? That's what I mean. You've gotta look at the bigger picture."
> 
> CJ nods. "I, uh, I think I'm going to go step out for some fresh air. I'll be back in a few minutes. Okay?"
> 
> Donna nods. " I'm here if you need me."
> 
> CJ pats Donna's hand as she stands up. "Thanks for lending an ear and helping me. I feel better, really." And for a minute she did feel better. And then she reaches the door and glances back and spots Toby shaking hands with someone she doesn't recognize and wonders exactly how she's going to tell him. Nothing could have prepared her for this, and despite how much she used to think she wanted a child, there were just unavoidable obstacles here that she couldn't get around.
> 
> Part 6
> 
> The cool, damp concrete steps outside the Whitehouse perimeters were a welcomed contrast to the heat of the ballroom.
> 
> CJ tucks the bottom of her dress underneath herself as she sits down and takes in a deep breath, trying to recollect herself. For a little while there the shock had worn off, but it was starting to resurface, and she was wilfully wishing it away. Somewhere deep inside her she knew things were going to work out, but she couldn't get past how this would affect her job and relationship with Toby. As if telling Toby wouldn't be hard enough, how was she going to tell Leo and the President that she had gotten pregnant and had to take maternity leave?
> 
> And then there was the question of what would happen to this child after that. She wanted to raise it solely, but her schedule didn't exactly accommodate midnight feedings and day care, not to mention the constant attention that a young child needs. How would she raise it? Would she get a nanny or quit her job? Neither option was ideal for her. The whole situation just wasn't ideal. She thought about this for a long time and didn't notice when someone placed a hand on her shoulder.
> 
> "This seat taken?" Toby comes from behind her and smiles warmly, cocking his head.
> 
> CJ's eyes follow Toby as he sits on the steps beside her. "No. What are you doing out here?"
> 
> Toby shrugs. "I needed some fresh air, too many people in there. Plus, you've been acting pretty quiet all night, I wondered if something was wrong."
> 
> "No, no I'm fine. I'm just, I'm just still not feeling like myself. I'm sorry I haven't been a very good date tonight."
> 
> Toby smiles to say it's alright. " Is that why you went to the doctor's today? Because you're still not feeling well?"
> 
> "How'd you know I went to the doctor's?" CJ asks, a little too loudly and quickly.
> 
> "'Cause Carol has a big mouth?"
> 
> CJ sighs, knowing she'll have to justify this. " I went to get some tests done to see if I was going through menopause."
> 
> Toby pauses a moment, staring at the ground. "And, are you?"
> 
> Another minute passes as CJ gauges her response. "I don't know." She simply replies, not knowing what else to say. Something inside her stomach cringes when she lies to Toby and she feels like punching herself. She wanted to be completely honest with him, but she just didn't know how to be.
> 
> Several silent moments pass and then Toby looks up as he takes one of CJ's hands in his and angles himself so he can be closer to her. He licks his lips and inhales. "So�How far along are you?"
> 
> CJ can feel her blood run cold. It was probably just ironic how close
> 
> that sounded to�He didn't mean it like�. Surely� "Excuse me?" She whispers
> 
> With his free hand Toby reaches over and touches CJ's stomach experimentally. "Well, you just found out today, but how long ago do you think we conceived this little guy�or girl?"
> 
> CJ is beginning to tremble. "Toby, how, how, how did you�?I mean�."
> 
> Toby smiles warmly, rubbing CJ's now cold hand in his. " I started to have my suspicions a little while ago, but the realization really settled in today. And when Carol said you came back from your OB-GYN and you were distant and distracted, that's when I knew for sure. But, the signs have always been there. I guess I should have been more attentive."
> 
> CJ's eyes widen and she draws back a little. "More attentive? Toby, you figured out I was pregnant when even I didn't know it. I, I thought I was going through menopause."
> 
> "That sounded a little odd to me. I mean, you going through menopause." Toby admits.
> 
> CJ is silent for a moment. "Toby, I didn't mean for this to happen. I, I don't know what we're going to do." This wasn't how she had wanted to approach the topic with him. She had wanted to have everything laid out in a clear and logical plan they could both agree upon and live with. She didn't want to admit to not having all the answers.
> 
> Toby looks carefully at her. "What do you mean, honey? We're going to have a baby. A beautiful, healthy baby that we can love and raise." Okay, so it sounded cheesy, but right now that's the way he felt. He had finally discovered what was plaguing the woman he loved, and it turned out to be something so miraculous. He couldn't account for all the times in the past he had dreamt of having a family with CJ, and now it seemed they were going to have the chance to have it. He wasn't so naive as to think it would be a perfect, traditional American family, but they were in love and they could make it.
> 
> CJ looks directly into Toby's eyes. " I don't want to have a baby, Toby." She says softly, half sadly, half sternly.
> 
> Toby is one part confused and the other part hurt. "What? CJ, all those years back that's all you could talk about was settling down one day after your career picked up and making it to that point where you could have a family."
> 
> CJ shrugs. "But then one day I woke up and I wasn't 30 anymore I realized I worked for the President of the United States of America. Things change."
> 
> Toby sighs, knowing exactly where CJ was coming from. "Okay, well it seems to me you have two major concerns, here; your age and your job. First of all, let me assure that you that there are plenty of women your age having babies these days, and that with the proper medical attention and support, everything will work out fine. And you really don't have to worry about work, either. We can work around that. So many women these days have careers and families at the same time."
> 
> CJ rolls her eyes, slightly, thinking that Toby didn't get it. " Yeah, but do their husbands also work 16 hour days along side them? Do both the mother and father have to be constantly on call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week? Do they travel and hold high-stress, high- level positions in their fields? Are they senior Whitehouse staff? Toby, we can't do this alone, and you can't delegate raising a child. "
> 
> For a moment Toby doesn't know what to say. He knows CJ is right, and that their child will not understand why their parents can't be home with them. "CJ, it won't be for that long. We don't have that much time left here."
> 
> "But we're still going to be in federal politics, right? I mean, I'm not exactly going to go back to EMILY's list after this, am I? No, no matter what we choose to do after the Bartlet administration, it will always be like this. And it isn't fair to this� " She places her own hand over her stomach and realizes for the first time that there's actually a tiny little embryo growing in there. Correction, a baby, a human being. Their baby.
> 
> Toby watches CJ's eyes settle on her stomach and wonders if she's wondering what it will be like months down the road when it will be obvious that there is a being in there. He smiles. " All we can do is do the best we can, CJ." He places his hand over CJ's hand on her stomach.
> 
> She looks up at him, tears beginning to well at all the emotions evoked when she thought of the baby and what I meant for them. "If I'm going to do this, I'm not going to do it half-assed. I don't like to do something unless my heart's in it. I, I just don't want to screw up. God, Toby, I've waited for this for years and I.. I just want to do it right." She allows Toby to wrap his arms around her and attempt to take her into his world where things were idealistic.
> 
> "It's okay," He soothes, letting her sob into his chest and get the emotions out of her. "We're gonna do it right. Don't worry." Toby knew she was crying more from being overwhelmed than upset. It was life altering, and a part of him was scared shitless, but none of that mattered because right now he was holding the two people that mattered most to him.
> 
> He knew there'd be a lot more tears on her part in the near future, but he also knew with those tears would come a lot of joy they would get to share together as they raised their child. He could just imagine lying in bed with her and feeling the baby kick for the first time through her cotton nightgown. Then there would be the first time the doctor handed CJ their baby and she'd be crying from all the pain but smiling with joy, with him standing right next to her with his arm around her watching his beautiful wife and baby proudly. Midnight feedings and stolen moments waiting for their little one to settle down for the night. Bringing him or her into the office for the first time and showing off with obvious pride and vanity. And the smell of baby powder lingering in their apartment� There was just something about the smell of baby powder that Toby liked. For most guys it was a major turn-off because it represented grossness and commitment, but for him it was turn-on. He could imagine getting home late from work one night and CJ would be doing the dishes or tending to their baby or something and he would walk up behind her undetected and wrap his arms around her and begin kissing her neck as he loved to do, and he would notice the faint tickle of baby powder on her skin. Toby had to sigh. These thoughts and images were too much.
> 
> Toby places a kiss to the top of CJ's head and then turns her face in his hands so he can kiss her cheeks. "I love you. You know I have every intention of marrying you and making this perfect, right?"
> 
> CJ smiles, composing herself. " Toby, I don't expect you to�"
> 
> "And it's not because you're pregnant and I feel it's my responsibility. It's because I love you and I want to make you my wife and I want this baby to be ours. I want to have all those intimate moments that couples have when they have a baby. I don't want to miss out on anything. I missed out on too much with Huck and Molly, and I'm not going to make that mistake again. I want you to be completely secure in this, even if right now you're not."
> 
> CJ nods, sighing and pulling away from Toby a little. " I know. And, and I will be, eventually. It's just hard to wrap my head around right now. Things are about to get real crazy. But, I'm glad I've got you. I couldn't do it without you. I can't believe even for a second that I thought I could." She shakes her head, dispelling the notion. She honestly had wanted to wait to tell Toby, now she wondered how she would ever have faced him knowing what she knew.
> 
> "Okay, so, we'll talk about all this later. We have plenty of time to worry about managing time and raising it and all that. For now let's just go back in before people start to get suspicious. And tonight we'll lie in bed and talk about how blessed we are and dream about how wonderful it'll be to have a baby in our arms one day soon." Toby is grinning warmly at the end of this.
> 
> "Ya know, Toby, I never would have thought you were a dreamer until now. And I had no idea you were such a romantic until about a month ago. How come no one else sees this side of you?" CJ smiles, disbelieving. He was so happy and proud.
> 
> Toby shrugs, standing up and pulling CJ with him. "You're the only one that's ever inspired me to dream." He laughs throatily, glad CJ was starting to relax.
> 
> CJ smiles as Toby begins to lead her up the steps. "Well, I'm glad you save this side of yourself for me. But we're going to have a lot of these changes in he future, are you sure you're ready?"
> 
> Toby isn't really concentrating on her words anymore because he's breathing in the thick night air and smiling. "Yeah, yeah, these changes." He replies almost drunkenly, remembering that he's going to be a dad again.
> 
> And neither notice the snickering reporter at the side of the building who has just caught their entire exchange on tape.
> 
> The End.
> 
>   
> 


End file.
